Platform for Balance
Ministry has plenty of challenges. Over the last forty years, my husband and I have confronted many of these challenges. One of the most persistent ones concerns balancing work and family. Questions like these arise:
· How should I divide my time between home and church?
· How can I leverage my family’s “fishbowl” existence to serve others?
· What actions help family members who feel lonely, burdened, inadequate, exposed, or just plain burned out?
I have noticed that ministry leaders often succumb to the siren song of people-pleasing. People-pleasing is not only an inadequate goal, but it also does not work. People-pleasing can destroy church-family balance. Ministry leaders may please their congregations, and at the same time fail to please their spouses and children. Because the antidote to people-pleasing is not, of course, people-offending, how to handle the people in your life—their complaints, feedback, expectations, and assumptions—is tricky business. This overarching issue remains: How do ministry leaders please God in relationship to their families while simultaneously t serving their congregations well?
My contention is that ministry leaders must begin at home. In fact, I believe that, to build a stable platform of church-family balance, ministers need to make four critical decisions. Each decision involves a deliberate choice.
1. Make sure your door has a lock and a hinge: The front door of the minister’s home can both swing open and close firmly. (I “stole” this metaphor from Edith Schaeffer’s What is a Family?) Ministry homes fulfill a variety of functions. At times we provide an open space for hospitality and healing, but at other times our homes transform into walled-off gardens—protecting the physical, mental, and spiritual needs of different family members. Ministry families need to pray for God’s wisdom so they know when to open their homes and when to lock their doors.
2. Don't confuse callings. The pastor’s family are not hired by the church; they are neither employees nor servants. Still, spouses and children are not living in the pastor’s house by accident. While they are not called as pastors, they are placed in these pastoral homes by God’s design and for His purposes. Ministry leaders must help their families recognize and rejoice in the privileges and responsibilities of the ministry household. Successful ministry leaders choose words and stories that help their family members experience both freedom from unrealistic expectations and excitement about God-given possibilities.
3. Recognize that your home teaches: How you lead at home offers practical lessons about godly family life. Let your congregation see how to guide, love, train, protect, encourage, and enjoy family members. Make sure that sure your family life is worth emulating!
4. Keep the end in view. Families can make or break a pastor: a spouse and children are long-term commitments. Ministry leaders must listen, observe, and learn from their families. Children easily recognize when they are not a priority. Spouses can too. A well-cared-for family is likely to support the ministry leader when he or she cares for the rest of the congregation.
Commit yourself to building a stable platform that can safely hold both ministry and family. Strong platforms make strong families, and strong families make strong churches.
